We Don't Have Forever

I read a book about 9 years ago titled, One Year to Live. In more recent years, I was asked to look at my life from that perspective in coaching workshops. I even wrote my obituary at one time. It seems morbid to some people. Just thinking about death makes most of us cringe.

Not many of us want to think about dying. It's going to happen to every one of us but we prefer to put it out of our minds because it makes us uneasy. When is it going to happen? Is it going to be awful? How can I postpone it?

I recently came upon a Ted Talk by Iman Aghay titled 'Nothing to Regret - small bad habits cause lifelong regrets'. I had been looking for a talk to inspire more self discipline related to fitness and time management, and I came across this one. It took me back to the time I read the book, One Year to Live, and reminded me again how fragile life is, and that all too often I take it for granted. I know how precious life is and I pack it with adventure, but I also participate in small bad habits instead of devoting my precious life energy to what makes my heart soar. My time here is limited so why do I do that?

Iman talked about being on his deathbed at age 27 and nearly dying. He talked about various studies that reveal the final thoughts of people on their deathbeds. Nobody is saying, I wish I would have worked more, watched more TV, spent more time mindlessly scrolling social media, holding grudges, or not taking care of myself. Most of us want to make a difference in the world and show up for the people we love in a profound way. We want our lives to truly matter in a tangible way. When Iman survived his near death experience it changed his whole life and his bad habits. Does it really have to take near death to do that?

I thought about my recent trip to Peru to trek with people I didn't know on the Salkantay Inca Trail. I thought about my trip to Indonesia in March and all the other things I do that may seem "irresponsible" or "risky". My life has always been adventurous but in the past I had more hesitation, worry and judgement about diving into unknown or marching to the beat of my own drummer, and I spent more time in small bad habits.

I know for sure that reading that book 9 years ago shifted my awareness and caused me to look at exactly how I was living my life. I know all my work on mindfulness and being open to answering questions about life and death have shifted parts of me one layer at a time and opened me up to following my heart. I know that watching my mom dream of all the things she wanted to do and places she wanted to see, and never could, propels me forward on many journeys in spite of fear or hesitation. In a way, my life with her illness was my personal experience with 'near death'.

Is it fear of regret that pushes us to "just do it" when others hold back? Or is it a solid belief that every day is a gift and we mustn't waste a moment over-thinking or fearing the unknown? What would I change if I only had one year to live? What would I do? Who would I call? I like to ask myself these questions now and then to check my alignment with my values and my dreams.

One layer at a time, I've become braver, stronger and wiser. One moment at a time, I savor and appreciate my life. I plan to live a very long time, but nobody has forever. Time is limited and how I spend it matters. I hope to have few regrets.